The Ballad of the Avid Texter

Ladies and Gentleman – we have a new addition to my little blogging world. I present to you The Avid Texter. She was mentioned in my journal regarding Thanksgiving weekend. She has earned her nickname for obvious reasons. Since I last posted, she has blown up my phone a million times. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I have been responding, so it’s not like she’s crazy or anything. I think she either A. wants me bad or B. is just lonely like myself and interested in making new friends. I expressed concern that I may be leading her on, because if she falls under category A (and really who doesn’t?), then this is all heading somewhere bad. She seems really nice and I always up for making new friends, but that is all at this point.

Anyway, to add to the oddness of this story…we fight out that we both have Tuesday and Wednesday off. We decide we should try to do something on Tuesday night. I suggest bar and she agrees, but when Tuesday comes, she suggest movies. Hmmm sounds kinda date-like…I immediately become apprehensive. However, she mentions she’ll be going with a friend and I am welcome to come. I become relieved, but still have concerns. The friend she is going with, her friend who I met the other night. That girl’s current nickname is Girl Who I Swore Gave Me a Fake Name But Then Showed Me Her License Thus Proving The Name She Gave Me Was Her Given Name. Her nickname is a work in progress, I’m just not into the whole brevity thing right now. But I digress..

I tell her I can’t make it to the movies, but would like to go to the bar the next night. Bar is safer..and invovles liquid medication since I have issues with public situations that I am uncomfortable with. About half an hour later she says, “Nevermind we are just gonna go to the bar tonight around 10, you in?”T he bar hang out seems like a good idea. It’s not date-like, it’s relaxing, and the three of us would be more relaxed. I’m excited! Horray! New friends!

I get a call around 10:30ish from her and she asks if I would be mad if they canceled the plans because she has to help her mom do invitations for her sister’s bridal shower. I am bummed, but say it’s totally fine. I opt to hang out at home and have run-in with the Ex instead. Not as awesome. More on that later though. The Avid Texter continues to live up to her name and sends tons of words to my phone for the rest of the night.  Without even realizing it, I end up on the vicious end of the question game.

The next night we discuss going to the bar, but I tell her it’s not the best idea for me since I have to work the next day. I tell her its because I’ll be too tired. In reality, it’s because I know I’ll go out, have fun, drink too much and want to die all day at work the next morning.

The texting. Has. Not. Stopped. Again, I am responding to her, so it’s my own fault. I don’t mind the attention, especially at work, but I find myself confused once again. I am excited to meet new people and have other means of distraction, but what exactly is going on here? This story is still developing….

Now on to the other women in my life. That would sound so much cooler and man whorish if it wasn’t so sad.

The Ex has been driving me up the wall. We had a couple of sane hang outs after work. We talked about updates in our lives, watched some TV, played with the dog, etc.

However, just when things look civil, I come home after a long day of work and she has a girl friend over. No problem there. But out of nowhere she starts talking about how I need to do my dishes because they’ve been sitting there for a couple days (um..sorry I’ve been working and doing my grad work while you get drunk and hook up with Weasel McDouchebag – that last part is speculative…but almost certainly true). I get a little annoyed, but opt not to make a scene in front of her friend.

She then starts talking about us terminating our lease. She mentions how our apartment is making us stay here for 60 days. Now previously, we were told that South Carolina has a law where you only have to give 30 days notice. She wanted to go down to the office and talk to them about this. I told her we could do that if she wants but we would be going down there on hearsay and I don’t want to look like a jackass. After she tells her friend all this she makes some crack about how that is typical of my personality and I’m never aggressive with things like that. I get super annoyed and tell her that I’m not going down to the office to talk about something I know nothing about and I would want more information. She continues talking about I’m so timid and blah blah. After some mild bickering her friend goes to the bathroom and I tell the Ex stop disrespecting me especially in front of her friend. I also mention how the constant texts/calls from Weasel McDouchebag are also disrespectful and I would appreciate if she kept that stuff away from me. It’s bad enough I know she’s always with him, but having to see her texting him and talking his call in my own home is a little much. She goes on a tangent about how it is her home and she shouldn’t have to hide anything. Her friend came out of the bathroom and I gave up. I was so unbelievably angry. She has never treated me like this and I knew if I stayed out there I would lose it.

I opt to ignore her because she has so clearly moved on and quite frankly, she doesn’t deserve to have me fulfilling any of my old roles because she has her new boy to do that. Of course, she wakes up with some kind of allergic reaction and goes to the doctor. Turns out she has mono. Awesome. She certainly didn’t catch it from me. Double Awesome.

I now feel bad for wanting to ignore her and know that I have to help her if she is sick. As I prepare for her return, I write her a note stating that if I ever seem distance or upset, I will always still help her in times of need. I go to run errands, assuming she’ll come back see the note, and things will be a little more civil. I assumed wrong. She did not return until after midnight. In her time of sickness, she opted to go to his house because he was gonna make her dinner. God, he’s just so damn perfect isn’t he? So instead of going HOME to rest and seek refuge with the person who has always been there for her, she went to him. If the lines were not already clearly drawn for me, that did it.

Wow, that was way longer than I hoped for. I really intended on entertaining you with stories of the Avid Texter. Who’s texts by the way have been completely hidden from the Ex. I’m not going to play the revenge game – especially since I’m not interested in this girl. But this is my point – I am not exposing her to my new life, which she did not have the common courtesy to do for me.

I can’t end on that note…so I’ll add to my 101 list instead…

102. I like to replace words in my favorite songs with my friends’ names.
103. I pride myself on knowing all the words to the part in “Semi-Charmed Life” that is always cut out of the radio version of the song

Also my “About” page has been updated

9 Comments

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9 responses to “The Ballad of the Avid Texter

  1. heavensenthellbent

    102: changing lyrics to friends names is the best part. I do it all the time too.

    103: I love knowing it too

    man we gotta catch up, Im glad I’ve joined this secret blogging community that no one knows about.

    “Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.”

  2. shorty

    102: I wish you would step back from that ledge, Chris-tian.

    Ex is a real douche. That’s all.

  3. PiC – I miss your musk
    shorty – I can’t argue with your compelling statement

  4. wow, shorts, i think you just made the best blog comment i’ve ever seen. you are honorary extremely witty for the day.

    wits- your ex sounds like a real prize. you need to get out of there ASAP. craigslist is your friend. or just ask your new texting buddy if she wants to get an apartment.

    and you didnt mention… is Avid Texter hot or not? I think I need a 1-10 rating, thx.

  5. Extremely Witty

    In her defense the Ex was an incredible person. Something has changed tho

    I’m moving out Dec 17 and can’t wait.

    I can’t give an accurate rating on the Avid Texter yet, but I can safely say she’s no mercedes guy.

    I saw you posted on the about page…I’ll respond to those later – my boss is looking at me weird…

  6. Pingback: You can’t make this stuff up « Proverbial Hyperbole

  7. “I write her a note stating that if I ever seem distance or upset, I will always still help her in times of need.”

    Okay, so I just want to let you know that… that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard of.

    P.S. I’m sorry I’m so behind on your blog and writing all these old comments, which are actually new comments to you, but they’re from old posts. I’m rambling.

  8. I have my moments of sweetness haha. I actually thought it may be sorta lame that I wrote it instead of telling her in person, but I didn’t feel like getting into a long convo about it.

    Don’t be sorry! Any comments are great comments. I was really excited to see my inbox filled with messages from the mysterious Courtney.

  9. Pingback: Things are shaping up to be Pretty. Odd. « Proverbial Hyperbole

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