Epic bombshell on the way…
But first…my embarrassing story.
So, I came back to my apartment on Saturday night and saw that the Ex was actually home for once. I was certainly surprised by this because she rarely comes back to the apartment anymore – especially not on the weekend. I was also a little annoyed because the Avid Texterand her friend with the long nickname were going to come play Rock Band. Upon seeing the Ex’s car, I had to send the ladies home due to the rule the Ex and I set. We agreed that no guests of the opposite sex were allowed over. Now, I had no intention on fooling around with the Avid Texter or her friend and I’m not interested in either of them, but I certainly knew how it would look and opted to make the smart choice. This annoyed me however.
This is where things get bad…
I go upstairs and am greeted by my puppy, who’s barking wakes up the Ex. I talk to her about how I’m surprised she’s home and then make the mistake of expressing displeasure at her while drunk. It started out with me telling her I didn’t really understand how a person with mono, who needs bedrest and has been out sick from work, can find time to go out with friends every day but can’t find 15 minutes to bring our chubby puppy to the dog park that is located at our complex or take out the trash. This turns into an argument that somehow spawns into talk of Weasel McDouchebag. The Ex is clearly annoyed and decides to text him to vent about me coming home drunk and arguing with her (No mention of how she actively argued back of course). This leads to him calling her. The Ex thinks I’ll leave the room at this point, but I don’t. McDouchebag tells her he wants to talk to me. I (in all my drunken glory) accept this invitation. Our conversation started like this…
“Um, dude, why are you yelling?”
“…you better get out of her room and stop arguing with her right now or…”
“Um, dude, why are you yelling?”
“or I’m gonna come over their with my friends and beat the shit out of you!”
“Um, dude, seriously, why are you yelling?”
This continues for a little while. I keep getting yelled at and eventually lose my cool and tell him he’s a douchebag and should mind his own business. He eventually threatens my life, threatens to call the cops on me, and claims “My family has lived in this town for years and I know people! I can fuck up your whole life!”
Wow. She’s got quite the catch there.
I know that I was wrong for coming home and starting an argument when I was drunk. My intention was just to talk about the dog and other chores that weren’t getting done, but it spawned into more. I shouldn’t have let the conversation go that way and I should have just went to bed. I definitely should not have taken her phone, but seriously, why would she ever let me take it? When I’m drunk I don’t take shit from people, so I was loaded on liquid courage and took the phone.
And why the hell was that moron yelling and threatening me when he doesn’t know me or know what’s going on? Look buddy, in like 10 days I’m going to be out of her life forever, so settle down. Although I regretted my immaturity the next day, I took some solace in the fact that I was egged on by alcohol, while he was stone sober and threatening my life. Yikes. I told the Ex the next day “I’m not joking when I say this, but I hope you don’t ever make him mad because he sounds a little psycho, you need to be careful.” It was fun to egg him on when I was drunk and it’s fun for me to joke about him here, but seriously he sounded bat shit crazy.
Anyway, moral of the story – stay the the hell away from the Ex (especailly when drunk) or her new whatever he is may kill me.
If I die under suspicious circumstances, please direct the cops to his house.
Now for the bombshell…
That night, I texted the Avid Texter saying I was sorry that they couldn’t hang. She said something along the lines of “Well, I really should have left anyway…” which led to a conversation that I never saw coming. She says, “there is a reason I haven’t been drinking when you’ve seen me out and I think you should know why….I am a surrogate mother for my sister and her husband.”
Now, I noticed she wore baggier clothes, wasn’t really drinking, and I thought pregnancy was not out of the question, but I did not see that coming. It certainly does not bother me, because I’m open about everything. If I was interested in dating her, it might be weird, but since I just want to be friends, it did not bother me. Just surprised the hell out of me.
I don’t know all the details, because I didn’t want to push it, but apparently, her sister and her husband have had problems getting pregnant so they asked her if she would be the surrogate. She said yes.