The Verizon Chronicles – Vol. 1

I pretty much hate my job. There are times when it is rewarding but for the most part, the people I deal with on a day-to-day basis are complete morons. I will randomly detail some of my dealings with the general public. Warning: These will tend to be vulgar.

Vol. 1

I seriously have these conversations 100 times a week:

“I would like to upgrade my phone.”
Me: “Okay, great, let’s take a look at your account. What is your phone number?”
Customer: “I don’t know! I don’t call myself! HAHAHAHAAHAHA”
The customer then laughs for 30 seconds like that was the funniest fucking thing they’ve ever said. It’s not funny. You should know your god damn phone number. You know your home number don’t you? How do you give your friends and family your number? If you don’t know your number, no one can call you. Memorize your cell phone number you lazy, idiotic fuck.

“Welcome to Verizon Wireless, what can I do for you today?”
Customer: “I’m having problems with my cell phone.”
Me: “What seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “I don’t have any signal in my home. All those network people don’t know the way to my house!”
“You know that Can You Hear Me Now? commercial? Well, no one can hear me now!”
Well, I give them credit for remembering which commercials belong to which cellular companies especially since they can’t remember their own phone number. It is also clever to throw our own marketing in our faces. However, do you really think no one has ever said that crap to me? Be creative.

“When are you and Alltel merging?”
Me: “Well, we’re not merging – we bought them out  – but it won’t be for a little while. We are still very much competitors”
Customer: “Oh, well what’s gonna happen to Chad?”
Me: “He’s going to be unemployed.”
So, the reason you asked me about our purchase of Alltel was just to ask me about the fate of a fictional character you’ve seen on TV? Seriously? Why do I even bother trying to intelligently respond to these people?


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12 responses to “The Verizon Chronicles – Vol. 1

  1. I used to bartend next to a Verizon store! The salesmen/customer service reps/managers used to come in after they closed and get wasted really drunk. They were always bitching about similar things and were so stressed out by their job. Haha…it’s not just you.

  2. Retail customers certainly drive us to drink

  3. I have to admit (sorry) that I often forget my own number too (I just don’t remember if it starts with 154 or 156) sucks..anyway…I bet working there has increased your level of patience! (oh, and you’ve earned a place on “the list” ) 😀

  4. Hahaha it’s okay. As long as you don’t make some joke to the worker behind the counter, you are safe.
    I hope that list is the good one, not the bad one!

  5. I wonder if there is any job (or, for that matter, any part of life) that doesn’t require dealing with morons. Just when I want to rail against the idiotic customer service reps I’ve encountered, I find out that we customers are just as much to blame (likely more so I suspect, from your point of view). Would the world stop spinning if there wasn’t stupid to drive it crazy?

  6. Don’t get my wrong, I’ve encountered plenty of horrible customer service representatives (sadly, some at my own location). I try to take pride in my job (even if I don’t like it) and do my best for each customer. Of course, not everyone does this. Not all customers are bad, just like not all customer-facing employees are as awesome as me :p

  7. It’s the list of blogs I like, I guess that’s a positive thing.

  8. That is definitely a good thing 🙂

  9. Hahaha… “I don’t call myself!!!”

    What an idiot. Although my Nana with a cellphone is pretty much the most amazing thing ever. She goes INTO the mall stores to ask for their help figuring out how to do things and then forgets how she did it as soon as she leaves. It’s pretty amazing.

  10. Haha I don’t mind the older generation so much. They didn’t grow up with this stuff and it’s really hard to learn it all…

  11. Now that you bring it up, I can’t wait to see how/if they incorporate Chad into the marketing program once the merger is complete. Maybe a one-off commercial showing Chad becoming “part of the network” or something.

  12. TOPolk – I would be surprised if Chad stays. Despite the fact that VZW purchased Altell, I’m pretty sure that the Chad character will still be their property, so even if VZW wanted to use him, they won’t.

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