The Verizon Chronicles – Vol. 3

1. I arrived at work the other day and one of my manager says, “Hey, you are gonna have to call this customer back and let them know they have to pick this up..”

She then hands me an envelope addressed to our store. I open the envelope and see one of our mail-in rebates forms and an UPC to a phone. This customer had send the mail-in rebate directly to my store.



What store in the history of mankind has ever had you send in a mail-in rebate back to the store you just left? Why the hell wouldn’t we have just given you the discount up front?

Do you go to Best Buy or Circuit City, buy a product and then send the mail-in rebate to the product you just bought BACK to the same damn store you just left?

2. Door-Tuggers. Oh how I loathe thee. These are the people who walk up to our door and try to walk in when we are closed. I am not angry at all of them – just the moronic ones.

These door-tuggers slowly stroll up to the door, look at the hours, look at their watch, look at the door and then tug away.

Oh dear god.

Did you just figure we opened up 15 minutes early for the hell of it? I mean good god, you looked at our hours and then looked at the freakin time. Was that all for show? Because it wasn’t all that damn impressive or entertaining.

I love when they follow this routine up with the squinting-through-cupped-hands-at-the-door bit. Yup, see all those lights that are so very clearly not lit? See the lack of humans inside the store? Yea, we’re not open. The world does not revolve around you. We aren’t locking just YOU out as part of some elaborate trick.

3. Customer: “Is this AT&T?”
Everyone in store: Blank stares.

Yea douche, this is an AT&T store. We just disguised it in Verizon logos, colors, phones, employees, and advertisements. What a clever little ruse we have going huh?

4. Me: “What can I do for you today?”
Customer: “You tell me.”
Me: “Uh, well I can help you with a few different things, so what specifically can I help you with today?”
Customer: “My phone’s broke.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, what’s wrong with it?”
Customer: “It doesn’t work.”
Me: “What EXACTLY about it isn’t working?”
Customer: “You tell me” (customer then hands phone to me).

I fucking despise these people. Why do you have to play this game with me. Just fucking tell me what exactly is wrong with your phone. I’m not psychic. I’m sure you are frustrated that something is wrong with your phone, but why be a dick to me about it. Tell me what’s up and I will gladly help you. The longer you’re a dick, the longer you are going to be in the store.


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5 responses to “The Verizon Chronicles – Vol. 3

  1. I love The Verizon Chronicles!!!!!!!!! It’s awesome to see the other side of the..ermm..coin? I don’t know the idiom 😛
    “Is this AT&T?” “We just disguised it in Verizon logos, colors, phones, employees, and advertisements. ” hahah! I’m still laughing.

  2. Thanks for posting the article, was certainly a great read!

  3. heavensenthellbent

    Door Tuggers!!! I hate them. We used to get them at AE when I worked there, either before we opened or after we closed. One night while we were closing someone came up to the doors and started banging on them like they needed someone. I answer the door ask them what up? They then ask me if the stores still open. MMMMmmmm yeah we’re open but all the doors are locked and there are no customers in here, but we’re still open. Asses.

    You should tell your boss about “Please punch me in the face wednesday.”

  4. Thrice – Haha I’m glad you really like the TVCs. I’m glad my nightmares can be entertainment for you all :p

    PiC – People are idiots. My boss still thinks I could get arrested and/or fired for punching customers in the face…

  5. wtf? how are they supposed to expect you to know exactly what’s wrong with their phone? psychic? maybe you should invest in some tarot cards to go with that.



    haha. i love it. 🙂

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