Customers always come in all fired up about their bills. I love how if a customer’s bill is more than it normaly is, they will just completely flip out without even looking at the details of said bill.
I don’t know about you, but any time I get a bill of any kind that seems higher than normal, I take a look at the bill to see WHY. I COULD completely freak out and irrationally yell at people, but then I’d be a douchebag.
Me: “How can I help you today?”
Customer: “You can tell me why my bill is so high! This is ridiculous! There has to be mistake!”
Me: “That could be, but let’s take a look to be sure….well, your bill is high because you went over your minutes by about 400 minutes.”
This is where most sane people would admit defeat and be embarrassed by their childish claim that they were not at fault. Sadly, these sane people I reference are make-believe because this usually happens…
Customer: “Well that is just crazy! There is NO way I talked that much. I never use my phone!”
I then print out their bill, show them the pages and pages and pages of phone calls and they (usually) admit defeat at this point. Seriously, 90% of the time the bill is COMPLETELY legitimate, but god forbid these morons actually look into their bill and assume THEY may be the ones at fault.
This is always a fun one too…
Me: “Well, the charge of $50 came from 555-555-555.”
Customer: “That’s my child’s line.”
Me: “Yea, they had $50 worth of downloads.”
Customer: “No way! My sweet little angel said they never downloaded those ringtones or games!”
Me: “Well, the bill and our system is saying that those were downloaded to your child’s phone. I’m not saying your child did it, but someone did. Maybe a friend of theirs did…”
Customer: “No, never. My perfect spawn would never let anyone touch their phone and they would never dream of lieing to me. They did not do those downloads! I want a credit!”
Okay, look. When I was your child’s age I did some stupid, immature things. And when my parents found out about those stupid things, you know what I did? I lied my freakin ass off! It didn’t matter that there was insurmountable evidence disproving what I was saying, I still lied like there was no tomorrow! Your child is just like every other freakin child in the world! They get into trouble and then lie until they are blue in the face.
However, as much as I had these situations, they always lead to my most triumphant moments at work. Few moments are as awesome as when I take their child’s phone and show them the download log which can’t be erased. So even if their “perfect little child” deleted all the shit they downloaded, I can still find it in their log. I love showing this to these dumbass parents who blindly believed their 13-year-old over me. The look of embarrassment and sheer anger on the parents face is priceless. Meanwhile, the look of complete panic and fear in the child’s face almost makes me feel bad.
The best billing issues are when wives come in and ask what all the downloads on their husband’s phones are and I get to tell them – “Maxim Babes” and “Hooters Girl of the Month.”
Even better is when someone’s kid has joined some adult chat text service. “Yes, Ms. Customer your son has been on Sexy Locals Chat XXX every night from 1am-3am. That’s why his line has $78 of charges this month.”