First we caffeinate then incinerate

Cute Starbucks Barista was the “star” of my blog for a couple of weeks and I am pleased to announce she is back!

There has been nothing really interesting to report. I would see her every once in a while and we would chat like we had in the past, but I didn’t feel like boring everyone with each and every conversation we had.

These conversations were pretty typical of the ones I reported previously. There were so many occasions when I wanted to give her my number, but it just never seemed appropriate because she was always working. I had to think of another way….

A couple visits in a row she asked me when I was going to give her a free phone, so I finally thought of an idea. Be forewarned, it’s incredibly corny…

We had a shipment of merchandise arrive on Monday and I was going through it to see what new stuff we got. Inside these shipments there is almost always some dumby phones. These look just like the feel thing but don’t actually work. We tend to give these out to little kids when they are in the store and begging their mom and dad to play with their phones.

When I stumbled upon these, I thought it would be kinda funny and maybe, just maybe slightly cute to give the fake phone to CSB and tell her it was the free phone she’s been asking for. I also figured I could leave a little note with it or my card or something. Cheesy? Yea. Cop-Out? Probably. Original? Maybe. I just figured this was a good way to show her I’d like to talk outside of our jobs, but not embarrass her or get her in trouble at work. Okay enough defending my wussy choice…

After some casual chitchat…

Me: “Oh! I almost forgot, I’ve got a surprise for you.”
CSB: “You do? Oooh what is it? A free phone?”
Me: “Maybe. I can’t say.”
CSB: “Why not?”
Me: “Because it’s a surprise and I want to add to the suspense. It’s more fun that way.”
CSB: “Oh no! Come on! You have to tell me what it is now!”
Me: “Nope. You’ll just have to wait until the end of your shift. Just check your car before you leave today.”

(Side note – the Starbucks people and my coworkers all park in the same area. We all pretty much know each other by face and car, so that was not as creepy as it probably just sounded to you guys).

I then take my drink (which she made a Grande, even though I ordered a Tall..sweet!), give her a flirty smile and start to walk out. However, I then hear a guy calling my name. I turn around and see two of the Starbucks guys calling me back into the store. I walk over..

Starbucks Dude: “Hey you single?”
Me: ‘Um, yea, I am…”
Awkward silence ensues…
Me: “Are you asking for yourself…or…”
SD: “No, no. Just trying to help my girl out. You just made her blush.”
Me: “What?”
SD: “Yea she just ran into the back and was blushing..”
Me: “Oh haha, well tell her I’m sorry I made her blush.”
SD: “Nah man, it’s a good thing.”

I soon walk out, grab the phone, write a little note about how I hope she enjoys this free phone she’s been asking for, and if she has any problems with it, she should call her local Verizon rep, attach the note and my card to the phone and leave it on her car’s windshield.

I ran a couple errands and went home.

A few hours later my phone rings. I look at the caller ID which is displaying a number I’ve never seen..

Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Hey, is this Extremely Witty?”
Me: “Yes..”
Caller: “Hey, it’s Cute Starbucks Barista. Thank you for the free phone! It’s really awesome!”

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! VICTORY!!!

I was super pumped.

We talked for like 10-15 minutes. I mentioned how I wanted to give her my number but didn’t want to do it while she was working. She said that was probably a good idea, but thought it may have been okay. We also talked about some other stuff that’s probably boring to you. The main point was the conversation ended with her saying I could call/text her anytime I wanted and I told her the same.

To add to my elation she requested my friendship on facebook and ended up texting me before the night was over.

Awesome right?

This is where it goes somewhat South…

She texted me because she saw that Swan was one of my friends on FB. Swan is a college friend of mine who is now a teacher at the local high school. Turns out Swan was CSB’s chemistry teacher! CSB is only 18 freakin years old AND one of my best friends was her HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER. Ugh.

My sweet victory was oh-so short-lived.

Via text I told her I knew she was younger than me, but not by that much. She said something like “Its just funny and reminds me how much younger I am than you.” Double ugh.

Soon after the texting stops and I figure I’ll just leave it up to her. I would still like to talk to her but I don’t want to bug her if she thinks its weird. I know we aren’t talking about anything serious at all, but something like an 8 year age gap can scare some people off…even if it’s just being friends.

I wake up today and was still pretty pleased with how the whole thing played out. At some point this afternoon she texted me to say hey, so I guess I got my answer. We didn’t “talk” long, but I was happy to see she still wanted to talk outside of work.

So, who knows where this whole thing will go and I’m certainly not looking for anything specific. So the plan is…well the plan is to not have a plan. I’m just focused on having a new friend and it will play out from there.


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12 responses to “First we caffeinate then incinerate

  1. I’m pretty sure my face was like a cartoon characters while reading this… HUGE smile in the beginning (bc your phone idea was ADORABLE and oh-so-awesome) and then just got bigger and bigger as it played out.

    Then I saw “18” and my face dropped. That SUCKS. Wowowowowow. I mean… at least it is legal, but wow. That is younggg.

  2. hey, at least she’s legal.

    and i think she totally wants your little general.

    andddd the fake phone idea? genious.

    i’ll try to update the blog more often.


  3. scarletdark

    That 18 bit almost made me bite my tongue. She’s probably not going to find it weird– most chicks, esp. at that age, totally love older dudes because they have so much more going for them. So… you’re probably fine in that regard. But in terms of it being weird, hmmmmm… I have no opinion. I dated a guy 7 years older than me and it didn’t bother me. The only thing that bothered me was that he was much closer to 30 than I was, and still didn’t seem to have a direction in life. Not that that’s you, but that was him. Eh whatever, she likes you. If you like her, it’s not weird. End.

  4. scarletdark

    I am dumb. I meant “that’s not you” but I just painted my nails and apparently brain farted instead of typing correctly.

  5. The phone idea is BRILL! Seriously, one of the most inventive, but still not over the top or creepy, ways I’ve heard in a while. MAD PROPS!

    She’s 18?! WTF?! It couldn’t hurt though… I’m just sayin’.

  6. heavensenthellbent

    I’m glad my fake phone idea worked our so well, haha just kidding. That was an amazing idea.

    I agree with Beth, I was wicked pumped at first and then 18 Bam! the jaw drops. Sorry dude.

    I have to blame Swan, shes always at fault for everything.

  7. shorty

    phone idea = amazing, so cute and charming and i would have been an melted into an excited puddle of slush if i had been her.

    18…. eh. it’s not ideal, but it could be worse. like you said, no need to think too far ahead, so i say continue to casually see what happens. she sounds cool and you two are obviously dorkily crushing on each other, and what better feeling is there! no need to run away from it, and like scarletdark said, chicks dig older guys anyway.

    good luck! keep me updated!

    (oh p.s. my Blonde Highschool Girlfriend is preggers if i haven’t told you yet, and we just found out IT’S A GIRL!!! yayyy!!!)

  8. Aw! This is exactly what I’ve been waiting to read for so long! Well done, EW (lol…your initials are “ew”:P) You’re making me proud! (I don’t know why I feel proud) I’m so happy for you, this is like a new ride for all of us to enjoy, somehow 😀

  9. ok ok ok…this is good! I love how it all finally played out (exchanging numbers, etc). Coming from a girl who just dated a guy 11 years my senior, just because she brings up the age doesn’t mean she’s weirded out by it. I used to give him hell about it a lot (until I realized it really bothered him) just because that was the only thing I could think of to joke with him about. Don’t be Creepy Dad Guy, keep letting her initiate mini-convos and then ask her out! 🙂 The only potential issue I see is that yall are in different stages of life. Sometimes that’s GREAT, other times it can make the playing field a little un-level. yay!!

  10. meaninglessmetaphors

    wow…18. i hate to do it but she is out of high school right?

    sounds like it may be a nice fun thing for you 🙂

  11. Bloggy – I know…the age thing is stuff, especially the tie-in to my friend who TAUGHT her. I also wasted the cell phone idea!

    Courtney – The legal thing is keeping this afloat. And don’t call it the little general again. That invokes thoughts of war. He’s a lover, not a fighter.

    scarletdark – I know the whole younger girl, older guy thing is pretty standard – in fact I’ve lived by it my whole life – but like you said the different life stages can be tough.

    Beth – Thanks! I’m glad it didn’t come off as creepy or over the top!

    PiC – Don’t act like the age thing bugs you. I know that if you were talking to me in private you’d be high-fiving me you creeper.

    shorty – Damnit. I should have saved the phone thing for you then! Er um…anyway…
    That’s EXACTLY the plan I had in mind. Dorkily crushing is all I really want now anyway. Horray for blonde girl!

    Thrice – Thanks for the kind words! My initials are EW…appropriate.

    Jordan – I think you are right on. I’m totally letting her control this thing and I’m just enjoying the fun little games. I’ll go from there…

    meaningless metaphors – Clearly, someone has NOT been reading my blogs..jerk. Yes, she’s in college.

  12. Hi this blog is great I will be recommending it to friends.

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