The Hazards of Love

Where to begin, where to begin…

Do I go with the story that will garner the most attention first? Or Last?

The fate of my journal could rest on this decision.

1. I had a great day on Saturday. I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with Swan and CF to watch the UConn game. Afterward we met up with another friend and hung at my apartment. We watched some TV and attempted to skateboard. No one was injured, so we’ll consider that a great success.

That night I went to my friend, KL’s house. I brought CF, Swan, and two other friends to her house. We also hung out with her two neighbors. I freakin love hanging with KL and her two friends. They are always a riot. We just sat around and drank. We shared stories, asked each other random questions and just had a blast.

Side note – KL’s neighbors are a young, gay couple and they both said I was hot. Now, they had beer goggles on at the time, but I’ll take any compliment I can get. That now brings the total number of girls to call me hot this month to a solid zero and the number of guys to call me hot up to two. Yes! Sort of…Whatever I’m an attention whore, I’ll take it.

2. Sigh. Cute Starbucks Barista is confusing. We’ve talked on the phone and/or texted each other almost every day, but when I mentioned hanging out, she always had a reason why she could not. It’s hard to say how truthful she is, but I want to believe what she says. I know she is a ridiculously busy person – two jobs, school, dance, etc. but I felt like if she wanted to, she could make time to hang out.

I decided I was gonna back off.  I know, typical guy move. Of course, no sooner do I make this decision and she calls me and we talk for like an hour. However, our conversations sometimes go back to the hanging out thing and it never gets anywhere. She also mentions how she went on a date with a guy a few weeks back. These seem like bad signs.

On top of the age thing and these bad signs, she’s also planning on going to school in Columbia (an hour away) next year. She mentioned not being sure if she wants a relationship before transferring there. And today she mentioned not being into the whole “just having fun” thing.

She obviously wants to talk to me because it’s not always me who instigates it. What the hell is going on? Did I already fall into the friend zone?

Maybe she was never interested and just enjoys attention/being friends? Or maybe she was interested but the whole age difference thing kinda freaks her out so she’s afraid to move it past being friends?

I mean, I have no idea what I feel about her, but from what little I know so far, I like. She’s fun to talk to and we seem to get along well. I would like to actually hang out. As you can see the whole situation is strange. I’m not sure what to make of it or what to do.


3. Things with the Ex have gone oddly well. That is until Friday…

As usual, she came to pick up the puppy (she gets her on the weekends…yea, I know it sounds like I’m talking about two parents going through a divorce and spitting time with a child), but she asked if she could do laundry at my place. She doesn’t have a washer or dryer (I got them in the break-up), so I’ll usually let her use them. I was going to be at work the whole time, so it didn’t bother me.

When I came home that night, she was still there and was visibly bothered by something. I asked her what was wrong and she kept repeating “nothing.” It was clear she was lying for whatever reason. I soon noticed that my computer was on. It was off when I went to work.

I sat at my computer and asked her again to tell me what was wrong. She said it was nothing so I looked at my browser history. I quickly saw that she was on Facebook. I am autologged in, so when she went to the site she was able to see my information. I noticed she had look at my Inbox. Awesome.

I asked her again what was wrong and if she was sure there was nothing she wanted to tell me. She again told me nothing. I then asked: “You know I can see the history on my computer right?”

She then confessed. I was angry and annoyed, but I didn’t make that huge of a deal out of it. I mean, if I used her computer and went to facebook and was autologged in to her account, I’d be extremely tempted to snoop. What I did not know was what was exactly bothering her. The only two messages she could be upset about were to Bloggy and a friend I used to work with.

The message to Bloggy mentioned hanging out when I was home with her and Shorty. I assumed this was it.

Surprisingly, I was wrong. The message to the friend I used to work with was the culprit. I was talking to her about her recent break-up with her boyfriend. In the message I mentioned how the Ex and I still hang out and it was going well. But I made some comment about how it seemed we might be hanging out because it was comfortable and not because there was any excitement/spark left. Since the Ex and I are not hooking up, I thought this was obvious to her.

She said she knew this was the case, but had never heard me admit to it. She was bothered by the fact, that I had finally caved and admitted we had lost the so-called magic.

We talked for a little bit and then she went home. It was odd. It’s human nature to want your Ex to still want you. It’s a comfort thing. You don’t want them to move on because they could be your back-up. Or things could turn around. I can understand that feeling and that’s what appears was going on in her mind I guess.

You’d think at 26 I’d have all this relationship business figured out.



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9 responses to “The Hazards of Love

  1. Aww..that pretty sucks, EW, the middle and last part of your blog.
    I don’t know what that girl wants from you 😦
    and the Ex shouldn’t be peeping your stuff…arghhh!

  2. Thrice – Yea, it’s all very confusing and annoying to deal with.

  3. shorty

    jesus. wah wah. you’re right, it should have been obvious. don’t let it make you feel bad.

  4. shorty – You are always so brutal with the Ex. Haha.

  5. I can’t believe she looked through your inbox! Wow.

    Anywho, my thoughts on CSB are that maybe in one of your hour-long converstaions you can say something like “wow, we’ve been talking for a while now, you should have just come over!” or something like that. Or at the beginning of the conversation.

    I dunno. I’m just talking out loud.

    Miss ya, fella.


  6. scarletdark

    😦 boo CSB. I don’t know what the right advice on that is. I’m not sure either strategy is wrong (pushing it or not pushing it). At this point it’s almost sounding like she’s going to make her decision when she makes it, but at the same time, if she truly is up in the air about it, it seems like you could weasel your way in there and get her to hang out with you (and then she’ll fall madly in love with you :p). It sounds like she’s trying to avoid being attached to you or something so when she leaves, she won’t be sad. Maybe?

  7. Courtney – That’s not a bad idea. I miss you too, “fella.”

    scarletdark – It’s definitely hard to say what exactly is going on, but you are probably right. I should just make a decision and go with it.

  8. Coming from Master Snooper #1 it’s totally wrong to snoop through an ex’s things. Totally. But maybe it made some defining lines between you and the ex even though you thought the situation was pretty clear.

    Tread lightly with CSB…it seems fishy

  9. Jordan – Very fishy indeed.

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