Fake It Til You Make It

I love my dog more than most people.

But sometimes she makes me so damn frustrated.

She absolutely adores people (except for older people for some reason…they frighten her, but really don’t the elderly kind of scare us all?) and this is (obviously) a great trait for a dog to have. I am thankful that this is the case.

What frustrates me is her attitude towards other dogs. She friggen hates them. I don’t know if she’s got a bad case of the Napoleon Complex, but she goes beserk when she sees another dog.

When she sees anther dog her hair stands up all down her back, she barks really loud/mean, and pays ZERO attention to me. Not only is it ridiculously embarrassing, but it also concerning. If she ever gets loose or another person’s dog is loose when I’m walking her, I could have a huge issue.

My dog already bit a chuck of the Ex’s parents’ dog’s ears off. (Wow that was a lot of possessive apostrophes…) I would be in big trouble if she ever did that to someone else’s pet.

Aside from that fear, it prohibits some activities I would like to do and even meeting some new people.

Sometimes when I’m walking her I’ll see someone else walking their dog and I think “Wow, I have a really easy conversation starter here. I could just start talking about being a dog owner and BAM I could have a new friend.” This is an oversimplification but I think you catch my drift. Sadly, my dog would attempt to maim the other dog before I could even say, “Oh, hey.”

I would also love to bring my pup to a dog park to run around and socialize with other dogs while I socialize with some of the people there. Once again, this is impossible.

Going to the beach with my pup would also be an amazing time, but god forbid there is another dog running around.


I recently emo-blogged about my disappearing self-esteem. I wish I could report that things have turned around, but it is quite the opposite. Last week my work friend, Ben Affleck (no, he just looks like him) invited me out to Montruex (a local bar). He was hanging out with a girl he had recently met, but she had invited her friend. He was hoping I could serve as his wingman. I like hanging with Affleck and I’m always up for meeting some new people, so I agreed.

I went out with zero expectations. I just planned on hanging with a friend and meeting some new people. I showed up and said hello to Affleck who then introduced me to his “date.” She was really personable and nice to talk to.

He then tried to introduce me to her friend, but she didn’t see me walk in, nor did she hear him. Ignoring this I said “Hey, what was your name?”

She gave me the most disgusted/confused/get the fuck away from me face I have ever seen. I muttered something like, “Oh no…I’m uh..I’m Affleck’s friend I was just introducing myself….”

Wow. Thanks, bitch. I was just saying hi, I wasn’t hitting on you, but thanks for making feel like a complete waste of life.

I promptly turned back to Affleck and his girl to talk to two people who weren’t repulsed by me. The girls soon went to the bathroom. I asked Affleck what the girl’s deal was, but being drunk, he didn’t realize what I meant. He stated that she was kinda shy, had a boyfriend who lived in California and then gave me some other boring info about her.

When the girls came back I essentially ignored the other girl, but once Affleck and his girl started making out a little, I felt obligated to distract the friend. I started the conversation with a “So, I hear you have a boyfriend and you guys live in California…” aka “I am in no way trying to get in your pants and never was.”

I could understand if I went up to her and was trying to be all smooth or was extra sketchy and trying to moleste her like other guys at bars do, but I was just being a regular, nice guy. I wasn’t even hitting on her!

Even though I was super mad, I’d be lieing if I said it didn’t hurt me a little. For someone to just look at me that way and have their snap judgement written all over their face is not easy to forget.


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8 responses to “Fake It Til You Make It

  1. I’m sorry to read that…what a … well…I could say “what a bitch” or something like that…but the fact that she didn’t know who u were and reacted like that reminds me of someone I know very well…who does that sort of crap…and now I feel bad…for all the times I must have done something similar to guys…:( I’m sorry she hurt u, Witty…

  2. Thrice – Thanks for the kind words. Screw her.

  3. What a dumb ho. Even when I’m dating someone, I ALWAYS try and be nice to my friend’s ‘dates’ and their friends. So I’ll say it, what a dumb ho. Forget about it, shake it off. One girl’s bad attitude does not reflect the universe’s. Ya dig? Sometimes people you meet are just bratty and judgmental. We can’t control them (unfortch)! All we can do is control our reactions.

    Seriously, all I can hear when I type that is the Alcoholic’s Prayer. My family/friends CLEARLY have problems…

  4. Elizabeth – Consider it shaken. It’s just annoying how annoying people can be. I’m just tired of it all.

  5. That’s some serious B.S. Did you eventually pull the stick out of her ass? I probably would have called her out on it….

  6. LiLu – I essentially paid her zero attention, not that she noticed anyway. No need to start any drama and ruin things for my friend.

  7. scarletdark

    delayed response! I actually read this a while ago but I reread it today because I was reading your most recent stuff.

    My parents have a cat that is your dog’s opposite. Nerd cat. He is huge- at least twice the size of any other cat he encounters. However, he is constantly getting his ass kicked by other cats. I couldn’t tell you why he’s constantly getting beat up when he has at least 15 pounds on his competition. He’s just a shy fat kid at heart.

    I have no insults for you today, but I will be keeping close watch over the silly things you say that I can mock you for.

  8. Delayed response is better than no response I suppose. I feel bad for your nerd-cat, but he’s a lover not a fighter and that’s admirable.
    Thanks for the lack of insults!

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