I AM MAN!!!!

People do a lot of quirky things. Traditions, mannerisms, sayings…the list goes on. We just do some weird ass stuff. Ya know, like holding a cleaver in your Facebook picture.

One of these oddities is the proverbial handshake. The act, in and of itself, is strange enough, but the approach some men take bring it to a whole other level. And that level is super douchey.

Handshakes should not be a big deal.  Handshakes are meant to be a relatively quick in-and-out procedure (that’s what she said). For some reason there are guys out there who take this as an opportunity to prove their manliness.

I hate it when some dude goes to shake my hand and then attempts to break every single bone. What the Hell is the point? I don’t think you are any more of man than me. No women in the vicinity have any idea what you are doing (unless they could hear my faint whimpering as my hand crumbles into a pile of dust), so they aren’t impressed. I just don’t get it.

What makes these already awkward exchanges turned strongman competition even worse is the when the guys refuses to let go. This makes our handshake borderline hand-holding. Why do you feel the need to crunch my hand and then hold it tight so I can’t escape for the next 30 seconds? I’m willing to bet if I called you out on this attempt at holding my hand, you’d pull away REAL quick lest you be seen as less of a man than you think you are.

I know girls probably don’t run into this issue that much, but I have a related beef for them..

What is the proper protocol when being introduced to a girl for the first time? Handshake? A polite nod and smile? Other?

When I’m meeting a colleague at work, a handshake is the proper option. But what do you do when you are out with friends?



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17 responses to “I AM MAN!!!!

  1. I’m going with a polite nod and a smile. I’m not really one for handshakes or hugs, to be honest. I don’t know..that could just be me though. I guess it depends on what you’re comfortable with..what the other person is comfortable with as well!

  2. Jess – Thank for the feedback!

  3. Court

    Hmm… well, for guys, I really have no idea what the deal with the “strong” handshake is. I know that people always say that you’re supposed to be able to tell a lot about a person by their handshake, but I don’t think supposed to be SO firm that you feel like your hand is going to fall asleep. 🙂

    As for when you’re out with friends, if you’re being introduced to someone knew… I always shake guys’ hands, or a nice smile & nod. But after I get to know people, I’m a hugger. 🙂

    Hope this helped!


  4. Court – As usual you were no help. I asked if you should shake hands or smile/nod and you said, “I always shake guys’ hands, or a nice smile & nod.” Way to settle that debate.

  5. Just start making out with everyone you meet.

  6. nicole – Best. Advice. Ever.

  7. LiLu – That seems completely socially acceptable. I’ll try that today!

  8. scarletdark

    just don’t hug on first meeting. that shit’s weird.

    and by the way, floppy dead fish handshakes are way worse. it’s like “what do I do with this… this… thing in my hand?”

    that came out awkward. shut up. you get what I mean.

  9. scarletdark – I didn’t think a hug was appropriate, but if you don’t shake hands, what do you do??
    Floppy dead fish handshakes are indeed terrible, but at least they over fairly quick

  10. Scarletdark

    Gimme a more detailed scenario and I’ll tell you. Is this for blind dates or what?

  11. SD – Just say I was out with a group of friends and I’m being introduced to some people for the first time. I’d shake all the guys’ hands, but if I was introduced to a girl, what would be the appropriate thing to do? Handshake, smile and nod, other?

  12. scarletdark

    Things may be a tadsy different out here in liberal central, but the last time I met a group of people, I shook each person’s hand- girls and bros. That’s pretty much the norm. Sometimes I will see a girl get introduced to a group of people and she won’t shake anyone’s hand, but it makes her look really shy and unapproachable. I’ve never seen a dude not shake anyone’s hand, but I imagine I would think something similar about him.

    Don’t, however, do a handshake if you’re being introduced to someone for some sort of blind date or double date thing. I think that would be weird.

    The expert has spoken.

  13. scarletdark – Good advice! Thanks!. I also enjoyed the cartoons of all the handshakes!

  14. I hate people who air-kiss, even the first meeting. It screams pretentious to me. Yes, I know it’s the European way but I still hate it. I like the smile approach. Clearly I’m not a touchy-feely person, haha.

  15. I rarely see anyone do the air-kiss, but when they do, it drives me nuts. Note to self – If I meet Ania, do NOT go for hug or handshake.

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