Tag Archives: rants

Twilight: A Snowman Love Story

I decided to watch “Twilight” to see what all the hype was about. About 10 minutes in, I realized how grave my mistake was.

Being the eternal optimist that I am (pff), I opted to make the best of my self-imposed torture.

I started tweeting (how nerdy am I?) about my issues with the movie. I decided this may make for good blog-fodder, so it will be posted below for your reading pleasure.

I would apologize to Bethis for my Twilight-bashing, but her blog died. Her blog succumbed to the most common of causes for blog-death: its writer met a love interest.

But I digress…

“For some reason I’m watching Twilight. I regret this choice. This film has issues. I will detail them for ur enjoyment or boredom, whichever”
…six minutes later…
1. How come no one seems to notice how pale the vampires are? It’s like glaringly obvious. It’s worse than an albino…”

2. This movie is way too teen angsty”

3. Okay. Seriously. It looks like Edward Cullen is made out of ice. He’s so white he is clear.”

4. Kristen Stewart is CLEARLY Jena Malone. Who are they trying to fool? Photographic proof will be my next tweet”


…I decided to stop tweeting at this point and continue the list here…

a. So…when vampires go into the sunlight they become glittery? Something about a vampire with gems glued to him isn’t all that frightening.

b. Note to girl in the movie – When a vampire says he’s never wanted someone’s blood more than yours, follows that up by imploring you not to trust him and then proceeds to compare you to heroin…you should run away, not try to befriend him.

c. So even if they fall in love…what happens when she gets older and he just stays 17? Is he gonna stay with her when she hits 50? My money is on him biting her no lter than her 30th birthday.

d. “This isn’t real! stuff like this doens’t exist!” – as she looks at a large river in the forest. She is easily impressed…and apparently doesn’t get out much.

e. Vampires play baseball..who knew?

f. I guess if you are going to get poisoned, it would help to have a vampire for a boyfriend.

g. So your daughter goes out with a boy and ends up in the hospital with broken bones…so you still let her go out with him a second time…

That movie was terrible.


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Fake It Til You Make It

I love my dog more than most people.

But sometimes she makes me so damn frustrated.

She absolutely adores people (except for older people for some reason…they frighten her, but really don’t the elderly kind of scare us all?) and this is (obviously) a great trait for a dog to have. I am thankful that this is the case.

What frustrates me is her attitude towards other dogs. She friggen hates them. I don’t know if she’s got a bad case of the Napoleon Complex, but she goes beserk when she sees another dog.

When she sees anther dog her hair stands up all down her back, she barks really loud/mean, and pays ZERO attention to me. Not only is it ridiculously embarrassing, but it also concerning. If she ever gets loose or another person’s dog is loose when I’m walking her, I could have a huge issue.

My dog already bit a chuck of the Ex’s parents’ dog’s ears off. (Wow that was a lot of possessive apostrophes…) I would be in big trouble if she ever did that to someone else’s pet.

Aside from that fear, it prohibits some activities I would like to do and even meeting some new people.

Sometimes when I’m walking her I’ll see someone else walking their dog and I think “Wow, I have a really easy conversation starter here. I could just start talking about being a dog owner and BAM I could have a new friend.” This is an oversimplification but I think you catch my drift. Sadly, my dog would attempt to maim the other dog before I could even say, “Oh, hey.”

I would also love to bring my pup to a dog park to run around and socialize with other dogs while I socialize with some of the people there. Once again, this is impossible.

Going to the beach with my pup would also be an amazing time, but god forbid there is another dog running around.


I recently emo-blogged about my disappearing self-esteem. I wish I could report that things have turned around, but it is quite the opposite. Last week my work friend, Ben Affleck (no, he just looks like him) invited me out to Montruex (a local bar). He was hanging out with a girl he had recently met, but she had invited her friend. He was hoping I could serve as his wingman. I like hanging with Affleck and I’m always up for meeting some new people, so I agreed.

I went out with zero expectations. I just planned on hanging with a friend and meeting some new people. I showed up and said hello to Affleck who then introduced me to his “date.” She was really personable and nice to talk to.

He then tried to introduce me to her friend, but she didn’t see me walk in, nor did she hear him. Ignoring this I said “Hey, what was your name?”

She gave me the most disgusted/confused/get the fuck away from me face I have ever seen. I muttered something like, “Oh no…I’m uh..I’m Affleck’s friend I was just introducing myself….”

Wow. Thanks, bitch. I was just saying hi, I wasn’t hitting on you, but thanks for making feel like a complete waste of life.

I promptly turned back to Affleck and his girl to talk to two people who weren’t repulsed by me. The girls soon went to the bathroom. I asked Affleck what the girl’s deal was, but being drunk, he didn’t realize what I meant. He stated that she was kinda shy, had a boyfriend who lived in California and then gave me some other boring info about her.

When the girls came back I essentially ignored the other girl, but once Affleck and his girl started making out a little, I felt obligated to distract the friend. I started the conversation with a “So, I hear you have a boyfriend and you guys live in California…” aka “I am in no way trying to get in your pants and never was.”

I could understand if I went up to her and was trying to be all smooth or was extra sketchy and trying to moleste her like other guys at bars do, but I was just being a regular, nice guy. I wasn’t even hitting on her!

Even though I was super mad, I’d be lieing if I said it didn’t hurt me a little. For someone to just look at me that way and have their snap judgement written all over their face is not easy to forget.


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Work Sucks. I know.

1. I rant and rave about the customers at my job, but now it’s time to vent about the people behind the counter.

My morale at work has been at an all-time low. I’m getting burnt out with the day-to-day interactions with customers because the vast majority of them are so negative. But now, my managers are really starting to get to me too.

The company has been making some super annoying initiatives lately. There have been a lot of changes that are really frustrating and seem pretty unnecessary. My bosses are constantly looking over our shoulder to “coach” us. It’s unnerving, annoying, and not helpful. When they aren’t leering, they are making sure we are kept busy with these stupid new tasks. We have so much stupid shit to do that no matter what I’m doing, I get questioned. If I’m making the phone calls I’m suppose to make I get asked why I’m not greeting the customer that just walked in. It’s freakin ridiculous.

Here are some examples that occurred today.

-My boss sent out six emails in the matter of a half hour or so. They included the typical “Here are our latest numbers!” e-mail but also featured this gem: “Just a reminder, per our regional manager, we are not allowed to chew gum on the sales floor.” Are you freaking kidding me? You had to send this out? Give me a fucking break. I felt like I was back in high school.
He sent out a couple other similar e-mails.

– This situation takes the cake though.

Every time we sell a Blackberry or similar device, we have to get the customer’s e-mail set up for them. After we do this we are now required to fill out an excel spreadsheet with the customer’s phone number, which device they bought, what kind of email they got and if we set up their e-mail. If we did not set-up their e-mail we need a detailed reason why. This in and of itself is ridiculous, but whatever I do what I’m told.

So yesterday, I get a customer who can’t remember his password to his Yahoo e-mail. No big deal I figure. I write on my sheet “Customer could not remember password. I told customer to contact me if he remembers it and I can help him set up the e-mail.”

I sent the spreadsheet to one of my managers and that’s that.

My manager pulls me aside today and asks me to explain the situation again. After I finish the story she says:

Manager: “Okay, I just wanted to be sure because I was just called a liar by our district manager.”
Me: “Um, what?”
Manager: “I sent out the e-mail spreadsheet for the store and that was the only one that we didn’t set up the email on. He responded by saying, I find it hard to believe that someone doesn’t know the password to their Yahoo account.”
Me: “Are you fucking kidding me?” (I’m cool with this manager, so swearing wasn’t shocking or anything)
Manager: “Nope. See?” She shows me the e-mail.
Me: “That is bullshit. I swear to God if he said that to my face I’d fucking quit right now. I’m sick of this shit. We are being treated like children, given menial tasks, and then questioned every step of the way. He basically just called me a liar. Fuck that. He doesn’t work in a fucking store anymore, he has no idea what goes on here. He is way out of touch. CUSTOMERS DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE FUCKING CELL PHONE NUMBERS! BUT HE’S SHOCKED THAT THEY CAN’T REMEMBER AN E-MAIL PASSWORD THAT THEY NEVER HAVE TO TYPE IN BECAUSE IT IS AUTO SAVED? FUCK HIM.”

I continued to rant to my manager who attempted to settle me down. So aside from my customers, I have to deal with this bullshit as well.

2. On a happy note. The dave matthews band announced their summer tour dates. I was sad to see that they are not returning to Charleston and the closest they’ll be is about 7 hours from here. The band is hitting the Other Carolina in April for a Spring Tour so it’s not a complete loss. I already have tickets for that, but my summer just won’t be the same if I don’t go to at least one show. So here are my options:

-Go to the show in Tampa as it is the closest one to me, but not all that exciting of a place to visit.
-Go to one (or both) shows in Hartford with my bro and/or CT friends
-Make a trip to the ‘Cuse to see a show with my PiC
-Save up a lot of money and go on an adventure with someone else who is willing. The adventure would be a trip to George, Washington (I love that) to the beautiful Gorge Ampitheatre for all three shows on Labor Day weekend. This would be incredible.

Each has its pluses and minuses. Money may keep me at the Tampa show, but I really want to do one of the other three.

3. I think my next journal should be about the woman in my life. It was so sad, it was comedic the other Saturday night as I dealt with each of the situations in varying manners.

4. I need money for travel and decorations for my apartment. I live in such a bachelor pad its gross. And not a super, classy bachelor pad like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, more like a college dorm bachelor pad.


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Die Young and Save Yourself

I would be remiss if I did not mention the Inauguration of President Barack Obama. Although the whole inauguration thing can be quite boring, I was sure to catch parts of it throughout my day. I have been a supporter of President Obama since before he announced his intentions to run for President. After the demoralizing election of 2004 and the God awful last 8 years, I was elated this past November.

No one person has ever given me immense pride in my country, made me have faith in politicians, made me believe good people can finish first, and even made me want to be a better person than President Obama has. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I am extremely excited to see what he can do over the next four years. I don’t expect any miracles, but I do expect him to run the country with honor.

Due to the inauguration, there have been a lot of shows dedicated to the history of our Presidency. So, of course, I’ve been Tivoing a bunch of them and am super hooked. I am also a super dork.

Okay, on to this weekend…

My dear friends, The All-American and Samsonite (Samsonite? I was way off!) came down to the Low Country for a weekend that promised to be filled with debauchery. Samsonite is a good friend of mine that I met in college.
A mutual friend, EM, came down as well. Her and I became better friends after a friend’s wedding back in September. I was definitely really excited for all the visitors, as well as the fact that I would be able to hang out with my friends down here – CF, Swan and some others.
Sadly, the weekend turned into a mild disappoint for a few reasons. It was awesome to see my friends, but there were some let downs.

Friday – Easily the best day. Samsonite, EM, Swan, CF and CF’s pseudo boyfriend gathered at my awesome bachelor pad  and literally rocked out to Rock Band 2 for a good majority of the afternoon/early evening. I was having a great time, but was getting a weird vibe from CF’s pseudo boyfriend. He was (no surprise here) a military guy. I tend to dislike guys and military guys (at least the one’s my girl friends tend to hang with) are my most hated. “Thanks for serving my country and all, but you are still a dick.”

In any event, things went fairly well and he actually seemed to be an okay guy, despite the weird vibe I got. We ended up going to Mellow Mushroom where we met some other friends for pizza and beer. We then went to Burn’s Alley which is becoming one of my favorite bars. I had a blast playing the Buck Hunter video game with the guys, taking pictures and just laughing with friends.

The night ended with an all-out Rock Band fest which was amazing. Everyone was completely rocking out and it was the most awesome thing ever.

Saturday – Nursed slight hangover, watched basketball and movies with friends, and then went to Fatz Cafe. Food there was pretty good and the conversation was even better. We ended up at Henry’s, which is a pretty relaxing bar in downtown Charleston.
This is when I started to get a little bummed. The girls all wanted to go to a college-type dancing bar, I found out Weasel McDouchebag was at another chill bar that I wanted to go to and now couldn’t, and everyone seemed to be pairing off. Samsonite and myself were the only ones who didn’t have significant other or, at least, someone catching our eye.
The Ex, after telling me about the whereabouts of Weasel, then told me she had no plans. I told her she could meet up with us if she wanted to. I probably did this out of loneliness. I did not have any romantic or even lust-related thoughts about this, but I knew that she would at least bring up my spirits a little. She ended up meeting up with us and it did help me.

But things got crappy. We went to a hotel after the bars closed because CF’s pseudo boyfriend got a room there. He became a major douche at this point which verified my weird vibe I got from him earlier. He proceeded to get super drunk and insult every single one of us. He made some broad comments about how stupid East Coasters are and some other related bullshit.

On another crappy note. I don’t remember all of what he did because I had gotten super hammered. I ended up not feeling well, puking outside of the hotel, and had the Ex taking care of me. This was super nice of her considering she could have been out with Weasel who was probably not wasted off his ass and puking outside of a hotel.

I woke up in her bed the next morning. I swear to all of you bloggers nothing happened. I repeatedly thanked her for her kindness and offered her my washer/dryer for the day as well as lunch from Zaxby’s. She took me up on that offer.

So, although I had a good time with most of my friends, the actions of CF’s pseudo boyfriend, my super drunkeness and the lack of scandal made me kinda bummed as this week began. It’s hard to explain, but I just feel so old. I am so over all of that drunken drama. I’m tired of douche bag guys acting tough when drunk. I’m tried of the games people play when drunk. I’m tired of acting like I’m 21 every once in a while and puking outside of a hotel after drinking too much. I don’t know how to really explain myself clearly, but I’m just kinda bummed out by the whole weekend.
I know this journal was rambling and didn’t make much sense and I’m sorry for that. I kinda hoped by writing about the weekend I would feel better, but for once, I do not.

I feel like I’m at a plethora (double word score) of crossroads in my life and instead of choosing paths at each of these crossroads, I’m just laying in the middle, refusing to move. I don’t know where to go, what to do, what I want, or who I really want to be. And I feel like I am running out of time.

Of course there is the ever present battle between the old me and the new me going on. Thankfully, it feels like the new me has been winning out.

Ugh. Go read something more worthwhile. I apologize for wasting your time…


Filed under scatter-brained

The Verizon Chronicles Vol. 2

Back by something that could be confused with popular demand…The Verizon Chronicles…

Customer: “Yea, I would like to get a new phone, but I don’t want to pay anything for it.”
Me: “Okay, that’s not a problem. We can definitely find you a phone at no cost. In fact, here is a free phone that you could get today.”
Customer: “That phone looks like a piece of crap! I don’t want that!!”
Me: “Well, I agree it’s not the most durable phone, but it is a good phone. However, if you don’t like it we should look into a more dependable model…”
Customer: “Well are they free?”
Me: “No, they are not. In most cases, the better the phone, the higher the price, but we can still get you a discounted price.”
Customer: “This is why I hate Verizon! You don’t ever give your customers anything for free that is any good!”
I often hear some variation of these comments. If we gave away free shit all the time, we would not make any money. I am sorry, but businesses have to make money. That’s what they do. Without money, businesses can’t operate. If they don’t operate, you can’t get these products.
Also, if VZW didn’t make money they couldn’t invest millions of dollars into our network (which is exactly what the company does). You know how your old phone company sucked? It’s because they gave away everything and didn’t charge you as much for your plan. They had very little money to put towards the network. This leads to dropped calls, poor call quality or phones that fall apart in your hand. So you had a bunch of free shit you couldn’t use, jackass.
Don’t get me wrong I want free stuff too, but I know that quality products cost money. It’s not rocket science. The better the product, the more it costs to make, which means you pay more for it. Idiot.

Customer: “I would like to buy a Blackberry.”
Me: “All right, that’s great! They are incredible devices and you will love it. As you may or may not know, there is an extra charge per month to have a Blackberry due to the fact that it uses or data network. This charge will give you unlimited e-mail and internet use.”
Customer: “What if I don’t want that package?”
Me: “Then I would look at another phone, because all PDA devices require a data package.”
Customer: “That’s so stupid! I don’t even want to use Internet or e-mail! I just want this phone on the plan I have!”
Me: “Well, Mr. Customer to be honest, if you don’t want internet and e-mail, then you will not want a Blackberry. Almost all of its features revolve around those two services. Even when you are not using those services, the device still does. This is why we require the package.”
Customer: “That’s bullshit! T-Mobile doesn’t require it, so why do you!?”
At this point I get super frustrated because the customer clearly does not get it. 1. Other carriers do charge for it, they just incorporate it into their plans so it’s not as obvious you are paying for it.  2. The ones that don’t are terrible companies and fall into the categories I mentioned above. 3. I’m not making this up. Blackberry devices are not for someone just looking for a regular phone. I’m sorry you want to be the coolest person in your group of douchey friends and that’s the sole reason you want the device, but believe me, it will not be worth it. The first time you pull out the device everyone is going to ask to see all the cool features anyway. And why is that? Oh right, because that’s the main draw of the device. Just because it is cool, it does not mean you HAVE to have this phone.

Our Greeter: “Welcome to Verizon Wireless! How can we help you today?”
Customer: “I need blah blah blah”
Greeter: “We can definitely help you out with that, I’ll just get you signed into our check-in station here…”
Customer: (Completely disgusted) “I have to SIGN IN!?”
Greeter: “Yes, as you can see we are a little busy and this will allow you to walk freely around the store and look at our phones and products. You won’t have to worry about being stuck in line or worry about someone who shows up after you getting helped before you.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous!”
What the fuck is so damn ridiculous about this???? I do not understand why customers get so worked up over this. All we do is put your name on an electronic list and we call you when it is your turn. People get extremely pissed off when they get overlooked, so this makes sure you are helped in the order you came in. You may have learned about this “first come, first serve” style in, oh, I don’t know kindergarten. This process also allows you to walk around freely, so you are not like mindless cattle being herded around. If we ran our store that way, you would be pissed, but obviously you are pissed now too, so clearly nothing works for you. Go be miserable somewhere else.

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”
Customer: “No, just looking.”
Me: “Okay, no problem. If you have any questions while you are hear, I’ll be glad to…”
Customer: (cutting me off): “How much is this phone?”
Why the hell didn’t you ask me that question when I asked you if you needed anything, asshole. Every goddamn person does this. They are short with me and act like I’m a leech, so I attempt to let them shop in peace, but before I can even finish my sentence they are asking for help. Are you trying to play hard to get or something? “If I say no, he won’t think I’m desperate to purchase something today. I’ll just say no and then ask  for help two seconds later. I’m a genius!” No, Mr. Customer, you are a bag of douche.


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The Verizon Chronicles – Vol. 1

I pretty much hate my job. There are times when it is rewarding but for the most part, the people I deal with on a day-to-day basis are complete morons. I will randomly detail some of my dealings with the general public. Warning: These will tend to be vulgar.

Vol. 1

I seriously have these conversations 100 times a week:

“I would like to upgrade my phone.”
Me: “Okay, great, let’s take a look at your account. What is your phone number?”
Customer: “I don’t know! I don’t call myself! HAHAHAHAAHAHA”
The customer then laughs for 30 seconds like that was the funniest fucking thing they’ve ever said. It’s not funny. You should know your god damn phone number. You know your home number don’t you? How do you give your friends and family your number? If you don’t know your number, no one can call you. Memorize your cell phone number you lazy, idiotic fuck.

“Welcome to Verizon Wireless, what can I do for you today?”
Customer: “I’m having problems with my cell phone.”
Me: “What seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “I don’t have any signal in my home. All those network people don’t know the way to my house!”
“You know that Can You Hear Me Now? commercial? Well, no one can hear me now!”
Well, I give them credit for remembering which commercials belong to which cellular companies especially since they can’t remember their own phone number. It is also clever to throw our own marketing in our faces. However, do you really think no one has ever said that crap to me? Be creative.

“When are you and Alltel merging?”
Me: “Well, we’re not merging – we bought them out  – but it won’t be for a little while. We are still very much competitors”
Customer: “Oh, well what’s gonna happen to Chad?”
Me: “He’s going to be unemployed.”
So, the reason you asked me about our purchase of Alltel was just to ask me about the fate of a fictional character you’ve seen on TV? Seriously? Why do I even bother trying to intelligently respond to these people?


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Higher Education

Nothing destroys the ego more than UConn’s Alumni magazine. This is the most depressing piece of literature you will ever read. There are a bunch of photos featuring young, excited students who are having the time of their lives at various campus activities. Their eyes are full of joy and complete ignorance to what lies ahead. They have no idea that life after college sucks. Being an adult is extremely overrated.

I am so jealous of anyone who still has the pleasure to be in college. The photo showing a group of students at at soccer game reminded me of all the times I went to a sporting event (as a fan and for the radio station). I always had a great time at the game and my time was made even better knowing that the game would be followed by a night of partying with friends or playing video games with the guys.

As of that wasn’t bad enough, the most recent issue featured the “Top 40 Alumni Under 40” – or as I liked to call it “Just a Small Sampling of the People that Went to the Same Damn School As You and are Doing So Much Better In their Professional Lives Than You. Not To Mention They Are in Fields that They Love.” I graduated three (soon to be four) years ago and I have done jack shit with my life. I have a job I hate and no one respects, I have no idea how I could even weasel my way back into the fields I like at this point, and I have made no difference in this world.

This depressing magazine continued to beat me up as I approached the last tormenting pages. The Alumni Update alerts you to all the awesome things other Alums are up to. Mostly it features job promotions, marriage announcements, and of course news of children being born. This section isn’t so bad until I get to my classmates section and once again see how far others are with their professional AND personal lives.

I should do myself a favor and just throw this thing out the next time it comes in.


Filed under rants